Kyra Cooney-Cross Returns to Arsenal with Her Mother's Spirit

The Emirates will roar on Sunday. Kyra Cooney-Cross knows it. She also knows there will be one silence she can’t drown out.

Her mum won’t be there.

For the first time since losing her mother, Jess, to cancer two months ago, the Australia midfielder will walk out at Arsenal’s home, facing Crystal Palace in a game that now carries a very different weight.

“I know mum would want me here playing and training,” she told BBC Sport. “And I want to play for the fans as well, to say thank you to them.

“But it's mixed emotions. Game days are very emotional for me now. They mean a lot more. I would say I'm excited, but it's also going to be an emotional day.

“I want to play and I want to play for her as well and for the fans.”

A loss that changed everything

Jess was diagnosed in January with stage four cholangiocarcinoma, a rare and aggressive bile duct cancer. Seven months later, in July, she was gone. She was 45.

“She was a beautiful human and I want to carry her with me on and off the pitch,” Cooney-Cross said.

The midfielder is the eldest of four sisters. Their mum raised them alone, holding the family together while quietly fuelling a football dream that demanded time, money and energy she barely had.

“Mum was a single mum of four girls. Growing up, she was driving me four times a week to train in Melbourne, an hour and a half each way. We barely had money for fuel. I don't even know half of the sacrifices she's made.

“I want to carry her in everything I do and how I am and how I play. Because she was honestly amazing.”

Just after Christmas, everything shifted. A phone call from her stepdad told her the cancer was terminal. Cooney-Cross was in England, having decided not to travel home for the holidays. Her world, as she puts it, changed “forever”.

She booked the next flight home and stepped away from football on compassionate leave, unsure when – or how – she would return.

“That time at home was something I definitely needed. Being able to be at home and slow down, be present and being with my mum was the most important thing,” she said.

“Being able to be there with her over the last six months and then that last week, it's sad, but I think we also need to think of it as a beautiful thing as well.

“My mum was truly something special.”

Training as an escape

Cooney-Cross is one of the brightest talents in the Australian game. She broke into the national team at 19, has already earned 63 caps and started all seven of the Matildas’ matches at the home World Cup in 2023.

Back in Australia during her mum’s final months, she kept training. Not for match fitness alone, but for sanity.

“I was training Monday to Friday on the pitch with a one-on-one coach and then I had a gym facility as well,” she said.

“I did it because it was also an escape. I felt more free and like I could escape from everything that was going on off the pitch.

“I also did it because I knew that's what mum would want and I wanted to come back this season and be as fit as possible.”

The routine gave her structure as the rest of her life unravelled. The ball at her feet became the one familiar thing she could still control.

Arsenal’s support and a return to London

Six months away from competitive football would unsettle most players. Cooney-Cross found the opposite when she returned to Arsenal.

She describes the club’s care as “amazing”. Head coach Renee Slegers and director of women’s football Claire Wheatley checked in regularly while she was home. Team-mates Alessia Russo and Taylor Hinds became key emotional anchors.

“That's when you need people and those that love you and care about you will be there for you,” she said.

“I was sad to leave my family, but at the same time, I also felt ready to come back. I had to bite the bullet. I'm so glad I did because honestly everyone has been so amazing.

“I've been distracted, I've been supported and it's been a really smooth transition. I've got good people around me.”

She watched from the bench as an unused substitute in Arsenal’s opening game of the season against Brighton. Even that, just pulling on the shirt again, felt like a step.

Back to the Emirates, with her mum’s words

The Emirates holds a sharper memory too. The last time her mum saw her play football was in this stadium. On Sunday, the place will feel familiar and completely new at the same time.

“She was always the best at sending messages and I read this one [text] message before every game,” Cooney-Cross said. “The way she writes is so beautiful. I think a lot about how I go about life. I think about what she would say or do.

“A lot of my purpose is because of her and my drive, but even more so now. I just want to play and do really well for her and bring joy into the sadness of my family.”

The crowd will see a midfielder trying to win a football match. Cooney-Cross will be chasing something else as well – a performance worthy of the woman who drove her to training when there was barely fuel in the car, and who now travels with her in every step she takes onto the pitch.